Me and Mr. A (Anxiety)

Hello readers and welcome to the first original post in Zest and Fresh!

Lately I’ve really been struggling with panic attacks and these have got me down. The triggers are still being worked out but basically, they think it might be linked to my periods and some sort of hormonal imbalance.

Mr. and Mr. A are like the worst relationship you could possibly imagine. At my best, I can control him with distraction technniques (post coming soon!) However, at my worst it can be a crippling disorder that almost make me want to take my own life. Imagine this…

You’re walking down the street and you think people are looking at you. All these thoughts start bubbling up in your head with so many whys? Like Why are they looking at me? Do I look different today? Is there something wrong with my face? To be safe, I keep an emergency bag with me at all times. In it is my sunglasses (to hide my face) gum (a distraction technique of something to do) and my makeup and lipstick (a get out of any situation). I hope this explains why my parents nick name ‘the nappy bag’ because it’s always full of the ‘just in case’s’. I WISH someone could help me with this but until then, I’ve come up with some of my own coping techniques…

My problem: Had a dream that someone was after me and they were in our garden trying to shoot me (the nurse thinks this anxiety is coming out in my dream)

Solutions: The nurse asked me to explain where all of this anxiety had come from. Well, I’m not a bloody psychiatrist!


My problem: I couldn’t get out of the house because of this (at my worst)

Solutions: The nurse talked me through a flimsy booklet that really didn’t help- I told her I’d like to speak to someone to which she ummed and ahhed about


My problem: I NEED to see a psychiatrist (after the 3rd time of asking!)…and almost a month down the line.

Solutions: I was put on a waiting list of up to 3 months. My parents and family were DESPERATE for a more urgent solution so they started looking for alternative ways to help me see someone quicker


My problem: Complete lack of empathy from the nurse- has she really been through anything like this before?

Solutions: I haven’t currently got one for this nurse other than the sack ha! However, for my hospital I’d like it to be a pre-requisite that those treating patients have been through some kind of mental illness. I’d like to use the staff as a beacon of hope to those going through mental illnesses.


My problem: don’t have enough time with the nurse to explain everything

Solutions: I try to help myself but it doesn’t always work as Staci will explain.


My problem: I can’t get out the house and at my worst I can’t answer the phone or the door but I’d really like some friends to talk to.

My solution: talk to people on facebook messenger as it’s indirect. But the nurses didn’t teach me that…what if I hadn’t found that out?


My problem: Before this period, I was a really active person and ran the great north run in September in just under 3 hours- it was an epic feat but I loved all of the training and the getting out. Since then, my anxiety has kept me chained to the house and I find it difficult to exercise with no programme to follow and very little help from the NHS

Solutions: A dietitian was suggested but I know what I eat is healthy (meal plan coming soon) what I really need is a personal or someone to help me get active while I’m around the house…that’s when my virtual personal trainer comes in. They give me tips every day in order to stay healthy as well as small challenges such as ‘hoover one room for five minutes’. On good days I let them know and they set me harder challenges such as ‘hoover the whole house’ or ‘do the dusting of the upstairs,’ while these may seem like small things, the NHS recommends 20 minutes of moderate exercise per day My problem: Within the space of the month- I was so low I started having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to be out so desperately but my anxiety was a major barrier.

Solutions: I asked my parents to go back to the mental hospital as I was so desperate for urgent care but the mad thing was I actually have to attempt to kill myself before I’m admitted- the madness continues…

Happy Beautiful day,


Caretaker CEO on behalf of

Emily Wood

CEFO Zest and Fresh

(currently seeking treatment)

One thought on “Me and Mr. A (Anxiety)

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