Can you believe this was my first blog post?!
Happy Beautiful day much love,
KT Smiles xx
DISCLAIMER “thoughts are like gold dust; valuable and occasionally rare to find” (anon) While I appreciate these thoughts may be controversial and highly disagreeable everything I write is for a reason. Please consider this when reading my blog. I really appreciate your thoughts even if some of you so thing my blog is a little odd. Everyone has their oddities and this is just mine.
Hi wonderful bloggers. As you may know, a few days ago I posted an insta with the tag line ‘I am a prostitute’. This ruffled a few feathers among other zest_questers as why would I make such a statement? Well please watch the video first: https://youtu.be/qp0HIF3SfI4
Miriam Webster dictionary: ‘prostitute’ “someone who puts themself (or thier talents) to a misuse for financial or personal gain”.
When I was 6, I had very few friends, I pulled dolls from beneath me pretending that I had kids every day and I made cards for my gran even though they were dreadful. I had dreams of running a multimillion hotel with a zip wire inside. I had also had 3 husbands and 12 kids. I was different. Or was I?
When I was 8 I made a date and walnut cake for my aunty, cups of tea for my grandma yet, I had very few friends and I still dreamt of running a multimillion dollar business. This was a choice. Or was it?
When I was 13 my parents divorced and well that was the end for me. There was no such thing as fairy tales as the prince didn’t marry the princess despite what all the stories say. It took a few counselling sessions to make me ‘better’ yet, to me I was still terribly broken. What I didn’t know was, like prince William, this can be very common. Despite this trauma, I was still a highly successful business woman….even though it was all in my head.
I chose to have very few friends as that’s all I’d really known before and I’d chosen to be sad as I thought it would get me more sympathy and attention. But I was terribly wrong. Instead it taught me the value of selfishness and what it feels like to be a sad and lonely person. I hid away and masked my feelings with a brave smile (just like Prince William) indulging in a choir for most of my school life. Singing was a true feel good release.
Although I wasn’t academically gifted, I did pretty well as school. I was an average person with average grades. However, even then I felt I was a prostitute as I had sold my free time to get the best grades possible. It was a high price to pay for something that I desperately wanted.
When I was 16, I completed my GCSE’s. They were fairly good and I proudly passed them all. I had a rich wealth of knowledge and wide range of experience. I had travelled around most of Europe as well as America and Canada. Yet, I felt robbed of a childhood and still had no friends…or did I? There’s a famous family photo of me in New York looking totally unamused. My attitude was ‘I might as well be at Trafalgar’ or ‘My dad has dragged me around here all day and I’m bored’ while most people would only dream of going to America. Is this an average attitude of a teenager? I was incredibly selfish, yet on reflection I am eternally greatful. So by the age of 16, not only had I ran multimillion pound businesses, I had also travelled the world. Everything my parents did was for a reason.
They even told me that they’d be ‘uncomfortable’ with me bringing lads back home but I ignored them and brought back 2 or 3 dukes before living in a large house with a load of kids…allbeit in my head. Even then I had sold my excellent bubbly personality, charm and wit as I’d started with nothing and turned it into riches. I’d even written a book-although itcwasnt very successful. While my husbands came and went in one form or another, I was a prostitute as I’d sold my skills in order to lead a better life. While it had been a partial success, I still wanted more.
So, when I was 18, instead of going out I stayed in, and dreamed of more travel. I still dreamt of a multimillion business. My goal was to make my parents incredibly proud and to achieve my dream place at university with the ultimate aim of becoming a chef. I was born in the North East but I was made in Derby. But why was I so obsessed with success? To me, to fail was not an option as I would’ve failed the system and institution that had raised me for 14 years.
My point is, am I really a failure? My mind willed me to be highly successful from as young as I can remember, so for that reason I was born into wealth and success. But I wasn’t very cleaver and neither was I very creative so for this reason I was a prostitute in an enducation system that had failed me. My best friend Ken is about to explain the importance of raising a creative mind…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY
‘Our education system has mined our minds in the way that we strip-mine the earth: for a particular commodity. And for the future, it won’t serve us. We have to rethink the fundamental principles on which we’re educating our children’
Today, music education and similar cretive arts are being eradicated and a much stronger emphasis is put on science maths and literacy. In previous years, an art class was something to look forward to
but today, kids as young as 6 are pushed and co-erced into an environment that is completely unnecessary for them. But why? What does this prove? Recently a 13 year old girl was diagnosed with extreme anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder as she strived to achieve perfection. This is a common story. with ‘half of all mental health problems manifest [ed] by the age of 14, [and] 75% by age 24,’ (Young Minds, 2017, https://youngminds.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/mental-health-stats/) Surely this supports my point that creativity and ingenuity should be supported and nurtured rather than quashed?
By the time I reached 22, I had experienced a rich and colourful university education. Luckily just a few months after enrolling it became one of the top universities in the country for my subject and I soon found out why. The restaurant, the events and the wide range of practical experience was my classroom. While there were theoretical parts, I can honestly say I learnt more from planning and doing an event than I ever would if I had sat through 16 hours of lectures a week. For this reason, my course had nurtured my creativity in way that other institutions hadn’t completely harnessed and allowed me to explore the possible routes my career could go to the point where it opened placement oppotunites that otherwise wouldn’t have been available. So yes, My career started in derby but it was made in the Lake District (more on that in a post coming soon). I was a prostitute as I’d sold my capabilities to a new concept that worked.
Test wise, My whole course was assignment based and while there were assessments, they were often at the end of the semester. In my view, every student had some sort of stress for their studies. For some it was the dreadful thought of failing and having to resit the year, for others is was a lack of planning and the ‘last minuter’ that waited until the final two hours of the deadline furiously hoping they’d get 100%.
Luckily (or not) neither of these were me as I believed I had excellent planning and a superb support network of friends around me. Once again, while there was no formal mindfulness classes, I made do white what I had and sold my personality to buy some of the best friendships around.
My friends taught me to have a laugh when I was stressed, to cry when it was necessary (like breaking up with stupid boyfriends) and most importantly, how to fall over with a beer in your hand and not spill a drop! Yet, on reflection I was an incredibly selfish and lonely person as I didn’t see what they were trying to teach me. This is because, some of the best advice I ever got from them was when I was at my lowest. So my lesson is that sometimes, the lessons you learn don’t have to be in the classroom, they can be naturally harnessed and for that, I’m eternally greatful for the colourful education that both my friends and my university gave me.
After 3 years of study, I had proudly graduated and was on the highway to a successful career in the hospitality industry and in a supportive relationship. I was a prostitute as I’ll sold myself and my assets to get what I thought was the dream job and I’d sold my charm and personality to get a guy who helped me through it all. My dream was one step closer….
My graduation was one of the highlights of my life so far and the feeling of elation and pride is something that is just too powerful to put into words. But if it was a feeling I could bottle and sell, I’m sure I’d make millions. So, in the words of Jim Rhon ‘A formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune,’ once again, I’d like to thank my university for giving me both a formal and informal education. I am eternally grateful.
After graduating, I hadn’t had a proper holiday in 2 years and I couldn’t have been more excited to go to Bali. Thanks to my parents, travelling long distances didn’t concern me as they had taught me travel was food for the soul so I was thrilled for the rich and colourful adventure that awaited. Asia was a saviour! The stark contrast of cultures, the rich and exotic foods and a wonderful array of exciting parties and adventures was the perfect break from the study I had completed. I came alive and had so many wonderful adventures which I promise I’ll discuss in more detail soon!
My job was what I thought would be one of the best career moves I’d make and it’d set me up for the rest of my career. I thought a middle management job was a natural progression after the wealth of experience I had acquired. While the first month was a lot to take in, I had learnt the basics but still muddled through. I found long shifts challenging as ultimately the team weren’t on my side because I failed to realise that I hadn’t built a successful and trusting relationship.
My education and qualifications had taught me how to read and write, how success could look and what rewards hard study could bring but what I failed to learn was the importance of building a strong and successful team who would grow and learn together. This factor, combined with a lack of planning and a complete inability to multi task meant that it was difficult to lead a successful shift which is ultimately what led to my downfall. So yes, I was an average person who was still highly ambitious and I was still a prostitute as I’d sold my skills and competencies to get the job I wanted. I had also ended all my other mental relationships to the point my mind had become a barren land. It was just me, my boyfriend and my job. But that wasn’t the end…I was made homeless as I was desperate to be successful but this still wasn’t good enough.
Despite these difficulties, I persisted through long shifts on a precarious balance of wanting to be the best at my job (sometimes working above the legal permitted hours) and wanting to have a truly happy personal life but something had to give…
Eventually, I packed in my job and turned to retail which had more regular hours. At the time, I believed this would allow me to concentrate on building a more successful relationship and I’d have more free time to concentrate on my hobbies. But it was too late. In retrospect, I was so career focused that I had lost most of my interest in being crafty and creative.
You see, what they don’t seem to teach these days is the importance of relaxation. My mind had been so switched on to success that some days it felt like there was no ‘off’ switch which led to a downward spiral of lethargy and disinterest. At this point, alarm bells should have started ringing as these were typical signs of a deteriorating state of mind- yet, I persisted. I was a prostitute as I stupidly failed to recognise that this was the beginning of a slippery slope of mental deterioration.
I really wish mindfulness and the creative arts had been as important as Maths and English but sadly they aren’t. So in this sense, Jim Rhon was completely wrong. While I had earned qualifications, there was no such thing as a GCSE or A level in mindfulness and there wasn’t a creative grain left in me. How could I earn a living if I couldn’t look after my own mental health? And how was I meant to be an efficient and effective performer if I couldn’t use my creativity to proactively solve problems? While it may seem superficial, Fallon (2016) has stated that ‘82% of companies have associated a strong link between creativity and success’ therefore, I’m firm believer that in order to cultivate a generation of successful performers, mindfulness and creativity should be as important (if not more so) as reading, writing and numeracy. Would you agree?
If anything, this lack of education in mindfulness led to a series of cataclysmic personal events that put me into a serious cycle of self denial and self loathing. The thought of eating made me extremely sick to the point of gagging, my sleep was all over the place and it seriously concerned my family. This downwards spiral eventually led me to being on the edge of a comatose state. I was a prostitute as I’d put my life on the line to achieve personal and financial success at the cost of my mental health which resulted in my creative flair being destitute.
My salvation came in the form of the wonderful instagram community who inspired me to create healthy breakfasts that would boost my mood. Slowly but surely it worked. Everyday, I’d make something I was proud of and the small measurable achievements were easily recordable. What was even better was the fact that this format was easy to share and the positive comments encouraged me to persist. In the words of Roald Dahl, ‘if you have good thoughts, they’ll be like sunshine and you’ll always look lovely’. This couldn’t be more true. For the days when I couldn’t be bothered to cook,surrounding myself with similarly minded people was one of the most encouraging things.
So for this reason, I’m eternally greatful for their colourful daily posts which inspire me to make small measurable changes to my dishes- you were my big rays of sunshine on incredibly dark days. And it is my firm belief for this reason that creativity is one of the biggest assets we can acquire as its benefits are much wider ranging than ‘just posting a pretty picture’.
So yes, I have been born into wealth. A wealth of experience, yet I’m still destitute and yes, I am a prostitute. I have no formal education in self care and I have been destitute. I am extremely stupid in my ideologies and beliefs but yet I’ve had some of the best eduction in the country (some people would say I’m mental-but that’s for another day) Prostetution is all I’ve ever know but in the words of Dr. Seuss ‘if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will lead its life think it had no faults at all’.
Happy beautiful day everyone,
Please join me on my journey to the ultimate happiness in an awesome #zestquest adventure. Thank you.